Being a Sensitive Person can make relationships difficult to navigate sometimes. Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!
I am a Highly Sensitive Person that has come through abusive, toxic relationships to find an extremely safe and loving marriage. But it turns out the problem wasn’t the people I was dating, it was how I felt about love and how I valued myself.
If you are a Sensitive Person looking to cultivate more love and abundance – here is everything I’ve learned about love so far!
1. Love doesn’t shout or threaten. It doesn’t have room for fear and violence.
2. It’s OK to feel jealous, but it’s not OK to punish your partner because of that jealousy you are feeling. Jealousy is about you, not about the other person.
3. It’s not that lots of women ‘can’t orgasm.’ It’s more that many heterosexual men need to be patiently and kindly guided on the journey to be as good in bed as they think they are.
4. Love doesn’t try to change you.
5. Love doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be enough. There are always going to be ‘more attractive’ or ‘kinder’ or ‘more exciting’ people out there. If you’ve got chemistry, respect, fun and a shared direction, you’ve probably got enough. At the same time, love is not about saying that absolutely anyone is enough. All people are worthy of love, but not all people need to be your boyfriend.
6. There is no such thing as ‘the one’. There are just people who you are very compatible with and people that you are less compatible with. You could probably have a pretty good life with hundreds of millions of people. What we call ‘the one’ is just the person we decided is worth fighting for.
7. Real love brings out the best in you. It’s easy, and it flows.
8. What we think is love is normally just a daydream. We are constantly recreating people in our minds eye and then punishing them for not meeting the expectations that they never signed up for. Learning to love who is really standing in front of us and not the version of them we’ve dreamt up in our head is hard.
9. It’s more important to set each other free to find happiness in the now than cling to each other in the hope you might make each other happy in the future.
10. If your dreams are incompatible, then it’s going to be hard to maintain the respect and safety that you both deserve. Feeling cheated of your dreams is a breeding ground for bitterness.
11. Sometimes our dreams will change. They might be in line in one decade, and out of line in the next. If that happens, it’s ok. Separating doesn’t have to mean that someone did anything wrong. A divorce doesn’t have to mean a relationship has failed.
12. We can only love someone as much as we can love ourselves.
13. The only person that can make you happy is you. Expecting your partner to fix all your problems and solve all your worries is unfair and unrealistic. It is so much better to be with someone because you have a surplus of self-love that is overflowing and wants to be shared, than because you have a void of love that you want someone else to fill in.
14. It’s possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. That isn’t an excuse for being unfaithful. Although polyamorous relationships can be just as rewarding and healthy as monogamy, that doesn’t mean that it is OK to cheat on someone that you have made a commitment to. Communication, always.
15. The worst time to get in a relationship is when you’re looking for one. If you are quite happy as you are and have made peace with yourself and your life, you know that your feelings for someone are about the value they bring and not about needs you want fulfilled. Then again, love cannot be planned or timetabled. If you feel your gut saying ‘yes’, respect yourself enough to go for it. Take risks.
16. Love is freedom, not restraint. Trying to make someone stay with you isn’t really love, but possession. That doesn’t mean give up without a fight. It means learn to let go when it’s time. It means encourage your partner to follow their dreams and acknowledge that those dreams accommodating your own life path is a rare and precious gift. Be so thankful when your journeys are compatible, but don’t be resentful if it’s time to set your loved one free.
17. Talk about the hard stuff, honestly and openly. If you can’t talk about the hard stuff when things are good, you ‘aint got a chance in the hell when the times get hard.
18. Being tempted to cheat doesn’t mean you’re a sicko. Do your best not to, but don’t punish yourself for your feelings. Listen to your feelings. Do you really want to have sex your neighbour, or do you miss the way your husband used to look at you? Try to understand yourself, and you’d be surprised what you might learn.
19. Learning to love and understand yourself is an undertaking of a lifetime. If there is such thing as the love of your life, it’s yourself.
20. Only you can know what your heart really calls for. What I think love is all about doesn’t have to be your truth.
I hope you enjoyed this real talk. Sending you all the love in the world, you deserve it!
You might like to check out these blogs too:
- Talking To Your Family About Being a Highly Sensitive Person
- The Inseparable Health Of People And The Earth
- Full-Time Vanlife As a Couple (Uncensored!)
Some hella useful books for learning to love yourself:
- The Gifts of Imperfection
- The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself
- You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
Want more book ideas for sensitive people? You can join my book club!
Thanks to my Florian Roquais for the photos, and for helping me understand that a love free from violence and control was really possible.
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