Missing Home

I’ve been finding it hard being separated from my family this week. To be honest, I’m beginning to ask myself if I’ll ever be able to see my loved ones again!

I’m not trying to catastrophise, it just feels like the uncertainty surrounding COVID is spreading out forever.

Most of you know that I haven’t seen my family for nearly 18 months, because I’m currently in France, the home country of my husband, Flo. We’ve been trying to follow all the rules as best we can, which has been quite challenging considering our home is a 5 square meter van conversion.

(We’ve been lucky enough to be hosted by various friends and family along the way, as well as travelling locally in the van or short term renting when appropriate. We are taking every day as it comes!)

Missing my lifelong best friend (and sister!)

I was gutted that none of my family could come over to our wedding, and it is really hard not knowing when I will see them again.

It really hit home when I got a call from my Mum to say that my dad had fallen from a ladder. He’s been in hospital for the last week with broken ribs and a perforated lung. I just want to give him a hug. (Not that he’d want one with his ribs in the state they are!)

My childhood home in the UK, which has been sold since I’ve been in France so my parents can enjoy their next adventure up North (after 30 years in the same house!)

Now we have just found out that another month long confinement is coming in from Sunday. I kind of feel like screaming, but I don’t quite have the heart for it.

So today I’m just going to say that it’s hard.

I post a lot of blogs about swimming in mountain lakes and breathing in the beauty of nature, which can make everything sound terribly wholesome. But it feels fake to pretend that life is perfect when I feel the absence of my loved ones so fiercely.

It’s maddening that the COVID situation hasn’t been managed better. It’s so frustrating not being able to plan anything, and I’m disappointed I can’t support my Mum who is home alone as visits in hospitals aren’t allowed.

I am also so thankful my Dad survived the fall and didn’t get paralysed, I’m so thankful that I can speak to my family on the phone every day, and that I have a husband and dog that give me so much love.

Grateful for these two boys!

I’m thankful that spring is bringing fresh buds to life and that I am lucky enough to make a living through writing about things that matter to me. But also, some things are hard, and it’s OK to acknowledge that.

For anyone out there that is having a tricky time right now, please know that you are not alone.

You don’t have to deny the difficult feelings. You don’t have to justify why your life isn’t as bad as someone else’s, or keep repeating positive affirmations louder and louder until your body stops trying to communicate with you. Healing and thriving are so not about insisting everything is awesome and shutting your authentic feelings up.

Whether you are happy or sad or thriving or hibernating, your feelings are valid and I’m thinking of you.

I hope you resonated with this blog post. You might like to read:

And I’m always grateful to anyone who’d like to check out The Highly Sensitive Nomad book.

You can keep up to date by following the blog below, or via Instagram and Twitter.

Published by rph_writer

Freelance writer and Journalist. Author of Highly Sensitive Nomad.

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